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Question. Dear sir, I am 29 years old. I am working for an MNC and very well settled financially. I am in a relationship with my colleague. All was well between us, until recently… A couple of days back, in the course of our conversation, she expressed her desire to marry me. Marriage wasn’t a part of our plan and she was also aware of it. Yes I am emotionally attached to her as well, love her a lot too, but the idea of marriage scares me. I have never had a very positive opinion about this whole system of marriage. I am of this belief that it comes with a lot of baggages, which otherwise aren’t existent during courtship. For example, in-laws, household chores, children etc., I see that love and attraction is somehow lost in the course of this whole affair of trying to manage one big complicated family with too many other obligations. I trying explaining to her, made her see my point, but she got highly offended and we have had lot of disturbances. I definitely want her but not with the tag of a wife. I really don’t know how to deal with this. Please advise.

Ans. Relationships between any two individuals come with a lot of baggage. In fact relationship without these hiccups is like food without spice, bland and tasteless! So it’s not marriage or anything else that causes troubles in paradise, it is the attitude of the people involved that makes all the difference. No matter what the problems are, proper communication provides a lot of scope for clearing off the differences and build insight into the partner’s interests, expectations, attitude, dreams, ambitions and aids better understanding. With understanding comes greater intimacy. However, my counseling wouldn’t be complete without assessing your complete situation, so I suggest you come and see me along with your girlfriend so we can get a clear understanding of the whole situation and then decide on the future course of action.

Question. I am 25, completed my Masters in English Literature and currently working as a lecturer. I am about to get married in another 2 months. I read somewhere that for a happy married life, you have devised some form of psychological counseling called PranaYoga where you also deal with pre-marital counseling. What exactly do we learn in this sir? Is it necessary that one has to take this counseling before marriage?
Ans. “Pre-Marital Counselling”- the name itself suggests that one needs to go for it before getting married. Here I basically counsel the would-be couple about the important aspects to be taken care of after the marriage. This counseling also helps create awareness about each other thereby helping them laying a foundation for a happy and successful marital life. Hence it is advisable for everybody to attend this counseling before they go ahead and get married. With growing egos and other complications in the attitudes and personalities in people owing to awareness and education about the world, it has become all the more important that people of the current generation attend this counseling to avoid any unpleasantness in the married life. Essentially these are the points covered in pre-marital counseling:

  1. Creating awareness about each other in the couple mainly likes-dislikes, opinions, emotional setup, thought processes etc.,
  2. How balance one’s own self image and without compromising on the self-respect how they can handle each others’ in-laws and the extended family members.
  3. Sexuality Counselling
  4. Maintain a perfect harmony and understanding irrespective of the circumstances
  5. Supporting and complementing one another in any crisis situation and maintaining a balance in the relationship